oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
