I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He felt like a one man threesome
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
