You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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