I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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