I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
