I wish I could teleport
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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