There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
