mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
