this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
