I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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