Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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