She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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