i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
