She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
