i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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