the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
