my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
