Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
