how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
