If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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