Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
