i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
