I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
