I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
