Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
