just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
