Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
