Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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