I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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