We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
