Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
