I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
