I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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