i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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