My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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