I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
