in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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