just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
