shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
