oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
