then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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