VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
