i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
