Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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