I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
