Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
