why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
