at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
