Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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