I bet he comes in French.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
