thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
