Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
