You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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