Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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