My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
