ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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