turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
