My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
