I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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