Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
