I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
kristin has been a bad kristin
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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