My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He better not be in your backpack
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
