Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
