Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
