I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
