I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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