I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
