Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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