Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
