I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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