i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize