Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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