He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
